prompt, Writing

Blogtober: Write about something you are having a problem with


I found this prompt: Write about something you are currently having a problem with.

Untitled design (5) (1)

So I do live with some suckiness on a daily basis

So I have chronic pain. Via Chronic migraines and Fibromyalgia. And that is something I have had a problem with and struggled with for more than twenty years. Sometimes I cope well. Other times not so well. I did have a long lasting depression because of it, that has since been treated. I cannot work full-time because of it. It causes problems.

But then… vertigo hit.

Persistent dizziness, disequilibrium, vertigo hell. And this is a massive downturn in my quality of life. I can’t do much. I have to rest a lot. I have to take at least 2 one hour naps a day to get through the day.

Financial instability due to no funds at all to speak of

I have not been able to work since last November and insurance has yet to pay me… and this is some serious, serious financial hell I am going through. I don’t even know how I’ll manage on the decreased wage. Don’t know when I can return to work, if I can at all. Maybe I’ll be stuck this way.

I am on a medication. Double the dosage the doctor wanted me on, so I need to see her again. And it makes these constant, persistent, relentless symptoms somewhat better for part of the day.

Writing issues

At first, I couldn’t write at all. I could blog a bit, but the editing was difficult and mistakes were frequent. Because what comes with these vestibular disorder symptoms is pervasive brain fog the likes I have never experienced before. Then with medication, I can write at peak times when I take the med. In the morning. In the early evening. And this means the world to me.  I still make a lot of error in my draft. Strange ones. Using the completely wrong word in a sentence for one. It takes me so much time to edit all this out. And weird change but I can write. I can keep the plot in my head. And this makes me extremely happy.

Reading

I can’t really read much. At first, not at all. Not a book. Not a Facebook article. Just maybe Facebook comments and sometimes too hazy to understand it. It is because my eyesight shimmers and the words are doubled and swimming. With medication, I can read for very short periods of time. And this makes me pretty sad because I am an avid reader. I can edit my work because I adjust the lighting and I make it larger and double-spaced.

Just a lot of problems

It has been a massive struggle to adjust to this. I can no longer drive. And sort of isolated as a result. Rarely leave the house because being upright makes things worse. I have started using a cane which I loathed, but it does help.

I’ll tell you this, pain never stopped me from writing. It is an awesome pain distraction. Unless it was the extreme pain but then you can’t do anything. But baseline pain never stopped my writing. And it never stopped my reading. This makes every single thing extremely difficult to do. Which is why the medication is fundamentally necessary for me to be able to just do a little.

They think the vestibular disorder is vestibular migraines. But it doesn’t stop. It is always there. They did a test and the ENT has called me back in, so maybe it isn’t. But I cannot fathom what it is. I do in fact have vestibular migraines, since 2010, and they are sporadic and last seconds to weeks. And they are Not like this. Not the constant dizziness. Not the fact I feel better laying down and worse sitting or standing. Not this extremely long duration. And definitely not constant symptoms. Part of the day? yeah. Repeated for a week? Sure. But these symptoms started in September and progressed, so it has been over a year now.

But I just had my second ENT appointment regarding my test results. Yes, my ears are buggered up… completely out of balance. And I will be getting vestibular rehabilitation which I believe will help a lot. But that won’t start for 4 months.

Other Blogtober posts

Blogtober: Worst writing advice

Blogtober: Life goals

Blogtober prompt: A bowl of souls
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