humor

In a parallel universe


All things that are possible happen in a parallel or alternate universe. Think of all the awesome yous out there. The infinite possibilities.

In a parallel universe

In a parallel universe:

  1. I wrote the Great Canadian Novel about a moose named George
  2. Aliens invaded and oddly enough made Earth a better place
  3. Aliens invaded, ate all the humans, and oddly enough made Earth a better place
  4. I fell on my head and become the smartest person in the world. But, sadly, I do nothing with my brilliance but cure toe fungus.
  5. I fell on my head and become the smartest person in a 200 mile radius. I invent artificial intelligence. Create a robot army and become the benevolent dictator of Canada.
  6. I was named Pamplemousse instead.
  7. I have 20 siblings all of which are far more attractive and more successful than me. Jokes on them! I invested in Google in 2004. Just $85 dollars, but still.
  8. I invent a machine to see into alternate universes and realize I live in a slightly crappier one.
  9. I have the psychic ability to see the future! But I can’t ever change it. And when I tell people about the pending alien invasion no one believes me. Also, I was named Cassandra.
  10. Zeus is real! Also, he as 1 million children, one of which is a human/goose named Herbert.
  11. Every book I write in this universe actually happened in an alternate universe.
  12. Social media doesn’t exist so I read books. I then, inevitably, become a book hoarder. And there is nothing wrong with that.
  13. I tragically die in an aggressive pillow fight. The social media outrage is so intense it leads to a nationwide ban on pillows.

Diagonally parked in parallel universe

Ah, yes, the infinite possibilities. Of course, the word Possibility is used in the context of Ancient Aliens on the History channel. Is it possible that… ah, well, I suppose it is possible. In the same way it is possible my pet rock is actually an ancient alien artificial intelligence that won’t talk because it doesn’t like me.

See other random posts:

How to find that thing I lost

I’m an atheist but…

A short: Dreamscape

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